Less than 24 hours

Less than 24

The following events take place between 9am and 2pm on the day of Luca's MRI. Events occur in real time.

My name is Frank Gramuglia. When I woke up on Friday, the first day of my master cleanse fast, the day of my son's MRI and working on no sleep, I realized this would be the longest day of my life.

9:00:01 On the way to the hospital (late) and glad to start the fast I take my first sip of the lemonade cocktail destined to be close companion for the next ten days..[sip]..Come again? That can't be right. Let me try this again. [smaller sip]. Wow. That tastes like an old dress sock was left in the rain and squeezed out into a cup.

9:45:07 At the hospital, I can't even think of that cayenne pepper fiasco in my water bottle. Weak with lack of calories, going through caffeine withdrawals and sleep deprived, I begin to hallucinate. The conspiracy unfolds before me. I see it now. How could I be so blind?

10:15:08 There are cameras everywhere in this hospital. Why? Why are they watching us? The hospital and staff tempt me with food. Vending machines and the smell of syrupy pancakes fill my senses (and not grade B syrup I can tell you that).

10:30:22 I try to distract myself, biding time, until we can make our move. I read Luca a Dr. Seuss book as we both wait. Two pages in I doze off into a half sleep. I see The Cat in the Hat in a surgical gown holding a mask attached to an oxygen tank filled with lemon drink. The pepper flakes float ominously.

Cat: I know you think that this drink stinks. But it's not as bad as you think, he said with a wink.
Me: I will not have this lemonade
Cat: What if you were paid? Would you try it in a parade? Would you try it in a parade riding on a zipperzade?

And so on...

Until the Cat mouths, in a completely different voice. “We have your wife and son”.

I startle awake and the nurse is standing there. She tells me that Ann and Luca are waiting in the recovery room. (Jack Bauer hasn't slept in six seasons and I don't last 3 hours)

12:00:55 Awash with misery, I stumble down the hall. I need to keep my wits now. Think, Gramuglia, think.

12:15:11 Luca is eating jelly (sugar free) on crackers (gluten free). Sitting there, sweating, I lose it. I carefully weigh our options. I know I can’t trust their food. I see no choice but to resort to cannibalism. Our anesthesiologist, Akinori, gets too close and I'm moments away from biting off a piece of her upper arm when I stop myself. No. That's what they want me to do. They're waiting for me to make a wrong move. Plus, I'll probably just be hungry an hour later. Luca causes a diversion and I grab her employee badge.

12:25:13 With the nurse’s back turned, I picked up Luca and grab Ann by the hand and sprint to the nearest employee exit. Amid nasty shouts and dirty looks we run two stairs at a time. Meanwhile, in other action, (picture four squares on your screen) as we’re in the staircase, the nurse and anesthesiologist look for us, confused, holding an umbrella, The Cat in the Hat preps for surgery and 35 hopeful lemons sit on our kitchen counter.

12:26:30 Outside, in the cold rain, I can breathe. Ann yanks on my arm. “What the hell is wrong with you? You left our umbrella up there. And what are you doing with that [expletive] badge?” I’m stunned. They got to her damnit. I never thought it was inside job. Trust no one. And yet, somehow I can’t help but feel a strange empathy for her – like when I see a fat kid riding a bike.

1:01:55 The drive home is tense. I watch Ann out of the corners of my bleary eyes. She looks agitated (go figure).

1:33:42 Home, and at the end of my tether. An empty stomach and clouded mind. I drift away, out of time and space.

1:55:33 I see a blurry image that comes into focus. Ann is walking toward me with a bag of corn chips (gluten free) and salsa (sugar free). I don’t care if it’s a trick. We eat. And suddenly, magically, it’s over. We’re safe. It’s all over. And that's how I lasted less than 24 hours on the fast.

1:58:21 The lemons just sit there.

1:59:58
1:59:59
2:00:00