More often than you'd think, it hits me, when I stand at the top at the stairs: I try to remember what it was like when you were all home.
It happened again Sunday night. I just stood there, trying to recall.
I looked behind me at the hall and saw Mary and Lisette wrestling; I looked at the stairs and saw Clare walking down. But before I could "see" anything else, I heard Cy saying "I love you!" from the little bedroom at the top of the stairs.
Cy shouted that out almost every night when I would leave his room, heading downstairs to take care of whichever baby - probably Aloise - I had left on the couch or in the playpen while I said my "good-nights" to all of you upstairs. It remains one of my fondest memories.
The recollections were strong but too swift. I stood at the top of those stairs and tried to see and hear more. But all that entered my mind was what usually happens during these episodes: "Did we really have 11 all living here?" And more often than you'd think, I wish I could turn back the clock.
I mentioned this to Lisette when I went downstairs. She had her own funny story to tell: Going through her desk - the one that Mary used - she found a letter she had written when Mary was away at Holy Cross. Something to the effect of, "It's not the same here anymore. The only people here are me and Catherine and Nora and Aloise and Brent and Cy. But Cy's hardly ever here, he's gone all the time" Lisette commented that this would have been a full household for most, but it just wasn't for her.
It was always hard having you all leave. And I don't know if it's true of most mothers but for me, the youngest were the hardest to part with.
When Brent left, I heard his music for what seemed like weeks. When Aloise left, I went into a summer funk, trying to pretend she was just visiting Dave.
Lisette has lived away from home in the past and she isn't moving across the country; all of which is comforting.
But this time I know it's for keeps. And this time Aloise and Brent aren't here to fill the void.
It's very good that Dad and I like each other as much as we do. And it's very good that we have family and grandchildren who come to visit us in this old Homestead.
Still. That empty nest thing? It's going to take some getting used to.
23 comments:
Am I the only one who has a new set up for writing posts? I don't like it. I can't go back to edit and there are no paragraphs separating the sentences.
Help?
This is sad :(
First of all, yes Mom, the new setup for posting sucks.
Second, this was such a sweet post. I sometimes marvel at the memories of all of us there as kids, if only because when we visit with our families, it feels so different. Don't worry, the Homestead will never be truely empty. I'm sure you will soon enjoy the solitude between visits :)
You're making me cry, Mom.
Well first, thanks for the snap shot of my messy room including my red and pink bra AND an empty ice-cream carton on my night stand.
Secondly, this was really sweet and made me very sad.
Third, Mary I found a bunch of letters from you when you first started college.. and they were long! Dedicated sistah!
Smells, amidst your bras and your ice-cream cartons I see my Agnes sweatshirt. Don't even dream about packing that up. Don't even dream.
And...
This room reminds me of so many things. Of when we first moved into the house and the pink floor seemed so wonderful.
Or when I used to sing Lisette to sleep every night when she was a baby (and a toddler)
Or when Cy and I performed Air Supply concerts using the crib as our stage. (Whatever, you slobs watched AND clapped.)
Or when we played "Mass" and I pretended I was a Eucharistic minister and gave out Necowaffers (sp?) as communion.
And so many other things. What a blessing 11 has been!!
Oh yeah, playing "Mass", Ha! How many kids did that?!?
Or Catherine rocking in her bed. Or Catherine dropping her pacifier walking all the way downstairs to ask Mom to please pick it up for her.
I played church in this room too. What's up with that.
Ok Mary! I know I was a strange one. Thanks for pointing it out!
Are you SURE that was Catherine?
Catherine was ATTACHED to a rubber pacifier when we were in Red Creek. It was the ONLY one she would use; we would go ballistic (along with her) when she would loose it. And then one day it was lost for good. She was outside on the porch with it the last time we saw it. It was really gross by then...all chewed up and smelly. But, OH , she loved it! Anyway, we never did see it after that and as far as I recall, that was THAT for pacifiers for Catherine.
Which brings me to this? Did she have another one here???
Keep up these memories. I LOVE them!
At one point this room housed Martha on down.
Theeen it was just the bottom three on that red bunk-bed that was a full bed on the bottom. So I'd climb down and we would stay up for a while (Aloise, I'm assuming you remember the "Whattayawannado" song.) But when Brent and Aloise didn't do what I said I asserted my authority by "head banging time" when I would literally take their two heads and bang them together.
That was pretty terrible.
Clare. Wore your sweatshirt today. It's sitting about 8 inches from my suitcase right now. I couldn't possibly promise to not take it.
Playing "mail" during the day.
Being used by the older kids to play "mail" at night, which was really just passing notes from one room to the next so they wouldn't get in trouble for being up late.
Giving Aloise her magic teddy bear because Ihad to move out of the "little kids' room"
Ahem, Martha, Lifesavers...'nuff said.
Oh, and this isn't about the room, but does anyone else remember when Ann punished Brent (not sure what for)by making him walk down the front living room stairs singing Michael Jackson?
I like to think I saw raw talent, and set a career in motion with that move.
Lisette, I do remember that song, almost as well as the head banging. You tyrant.
And Nora, I ALSO remember that. I believe the song of choice was "You Are Not Alone." I'm also recalling the time Brent spit gum at Annie and she made him glue his hands to either side of a piece of paper as punishment. I wonder what that might have to do with his current career?
Clare... I still perform Air Supply concerts (in Alexander's old crib) - but no one really pays me any more attention.
Cy - hahahahaha!
Don't forget your solo Cy, when you, Clare and I sang We Built this City. Classic.
This post still makes me cry mom!
Oh, and sorry to whoever of you I would put on the fireplace mantel and walk away...Ann wasn't the only one who was mean!!! lol
Lisette was always fun to sit on. For me anyway. But I think the only person I was ever mean to was Ann.
Well she got me back... She is smarter than me. Maybe that had to do with Maureen, Clare and myself convincing her every 3 minutes that, when we had stopped jumping on her head on the sofa, we would not do it again. I do not think it even took 3 minutes to convince her we would not do it again. Must have knocked a screw or two tighter.
- For all the little kids, this was in Red Creek before I was in kindergarten.
Mom,
I still love you.
Didn't mean to have anybody be sad with this post. This is just another chapter (eww, I hate "sayings") in our lives. I feel blessed that we've had someone here this long. Who else do you know who at 67 and 60 have YET to have an empty nest?
I kept saying that the silver lining to Lisette's leaving was that I could re-do that room for another guest room (and have had fun doing it in my head), but the truth is that another empty room is still another empty room.
Still...I have another post in mind listing what things have already changed and will change when it's just Dad and me.
Look for it soon on your blogger site!
PS Cy? :) :) :) (What I did when I read your last comment).
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