Another Celebrity Breakup!?

In a move widely rumored on breakfast blogs for weeks, Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima announced their divorce today at a press conference from their Kellogg, MI home. The celebrity pairing dubbed “Benima” by the food industry pastarazzi took turns boiling over in a bitter media session.

Aunt Jemima got things cooking first. “Time was when I couldn’t get Ben to leggo my eggo for a cotton pickin second…He’d be all like tell me how you want it baby, over easy or sunny side up. He always had a hand on my muffins or his nose in my biscuits. Chil’, that man could grease my skillet just by lookin at it. But lately the long grain, wild man I married turn into a 5 minute boil n bag instant embarrassment – all lumpy and what not. And don’t think I don’t see how he looks at that pop tart Mrs Butterworth. If he thinks she gonna clean his dirty pans as well as I can, he got another thing comin’.”

That got Ben heated up, “that’s a bunch of country crock. Dat woman gave up a long time ago – I cant remember the last time she took off that doo rag. Would it kill you to wash yo hair? A woman gotta keep herself up.”

As this bitter divorce plays out in the press, the real victims are the rest of us. This couple leaves behind 300 million adopted American neices and nephews and one daughter, Sec’y of State Condoleeza Rice.